Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
