Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
