member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
