see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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