Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
