but the lizard people decide everything anyway
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
