Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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