The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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