Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
