He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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