Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
