wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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