ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
