my room smells like sperm. sweet.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
