I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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