She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
