wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
