I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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