Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
