Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
