i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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