I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
