My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
