I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
