That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
