This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
