If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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