Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
