So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
