white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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