i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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