YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
