so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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