Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
