I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
another moral hangover. fuck.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
