There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
