who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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