even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He did a backflip because drugs
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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