i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
