then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
