This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize