i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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