I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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