I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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