I seem to have left my pride at pride
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
