One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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