just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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