I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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