I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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