I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
