my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize