i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
