How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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