I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
