Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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