You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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