Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
