I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
