I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
