Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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