we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
