how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
