Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
