New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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