Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
