I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
