Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
