We're like a lot better than the average bears
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
