Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
