I just cut my nipple shaving
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
