I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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