So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i love accidental penises.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
