Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
