She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
