Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
