I'm gonna have a badass scar
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
