Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
